


The Silence of Remus Lupin

by hufflepuffs_with_hollow_laughs



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, Canon Compliant, POV Nymphadora Tonks, its not happy, mostly - Freeform, you can't prove its not
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-30
Updated: 2020-12-30
Packaged: 2021-03-11 02:55:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 793
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28417959
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hufflepuffs_with_hollow_laughs/pseuds/hufflepuffs_with_hollow_laughs
Summary: In his not so long life, Remus Lupin had the unfortunate luck of meeting Fenrir Greyback.
Relationships: James Potter/Regulus Black (mentioned), Remus Lupin/Nymphadora Tonks (vaguely)
Kudos: 10





	The Silence of Remus Lupin

**Author's Note:**

> I started this ages ago inspired by a post made by @asktheboywholived on tumblr, and I liked the style I wrote it in so here's the finished version.

In his  ~~ not so long ~~ life, Remus Lupin had the unfortunate luck (is it really luck if it's that unfortunate) of meeting Fenrir Greyback.

If you were to ask him about it - honestly, it's probably best if you don't - he will tell you he doesn’t remember the first time he met Fenrir Greyback. He will tell you this, and you won't realise, but this will be a lie. He doesn't want to lie, of course, but he also doesn't want to remember and if he lies then he won't remember  ~~_ but it doesn't work like that so all he does is lie and remember and lie and remember and lie and remember. _ ~~

He will say he doesn't remember what happened. He doesn't remember the smash of the window  ~~_ why is he awake why is it so cold _ ~~ or the teeth in his flesh  ~~_ what's happening it hurts no please stop _ ~~ or his mother's screams  ~~_ this is a nightmare it has to be it can't be _ ~~ and he just doesn't remember. This is a lie.

And if you ask him about it - and I really hope you don't, he will tell you he didn't see Fenrir Greyback again until he was an adult. He will tell you this, and you still won't realise, but this will also be a lie.

He might mention the worst summer of his life, but only ever in passing. He won’t tell you _why_ it was the worst summer of his life, and he might instead briefly refer to it as The Summer Where Things Got A Bit Awkward For A Short While But Then Everything Was Fine Again (it was not). He won’t tell you about how he and Sirius went home that summer still not talking ~~_and he definitely won’t mention that the betrayal still hurt but Sirius is dead now so what’s the point_~~ and he won’t tell you about the owls he received from James about how Sirius was no longer welcome in his own home ~~_or the owls he received from James about how Regulus was officially lost to him and how it hurt so much he couldn’t breathe because Remus swore he’d never tell_~~ and he won’t tell you about that weekend in July when his parents went away but he wasn’t alone, not for all of it.

He’ll never tell you about the morning spent reading in the kitchen, picking at whatever food he could bring himself to make while he waited for the moon ( _what kind of moon has the audacity to rise in the early afternoon in the middle of July_ _honestly_ ), with his cup of tea sitting to the side untouched ( _because who drinks tea in thirty-degree weather_ ). He won’t tell you about how he’d left the front and back doors open cause it was _thirty-fucking-degrees what the fuck_ and it wasn’t like the local sheep were going to come in to steal their toaster. He won’t tell you how he got up to close the doors and windows just after noon so he could retreat to his cage the basement, and how he realised something was _oh so very wrong_ just as he turned the key in the lock. 

He will never mention the sudden feeling of  _ someone is standing right there _ , and how it wasn’t  _ just someone _ it was  _ him _ . He won’t tell you about the sinking feeling in his gut as he realised his wand was very much still in the kitchen but even if it wasn’t what the hell was a sixteen-year-old going to do against a  _ fucking werewolf _ .

He won’t tell anyone about the bitter taste in his mouth or the sting of claws digging into his shoulder or the smell of blood that seemed to linger for weeks afterwards. He won’t think too long about how, for the briefest of moments, he considered saying  _ yes _ , considered saying  _ I’ll do it _ , considered saying  _ I’ll go with you _ . He might try to convince himself that it wasn’t just the easy way out, that it was to keep everyone else safe, but when he does that he gets caught in the same old cycle  ~~_ lie and remember and lie and remember and lie and remember. _ ~~

He won’t tell you and he won’t tell anyone and it will not be easy but it will be easier and that’s all he can hope for now.

He won’t ever tell you, but some part of you will know. Some part of you will know but you’ll never ask him because all that matters right now is that you love him, and maybe one day he’ll be ready. Maybe one day he’ll tell you. Maybe one day it will be fine.

~~_ Except one day will never come, not for you. _ ~~


End file.
